Dear Mitt darling,
I know that dressage is 'my thing' and you don't know too much about it, but I see that you now have a handsome stallion of your own. I'm not one to tell you what to do or say but it might be helpful if you review or tattoo this on your arm to refer to. I wish you and your RyFalca well, as politics is 'your thing' and I hope you dont throw him under the bus as well. If you ever rode the bus.
Your loving wife,
Ann
"You have your words, and I have mine.”
-Peter Shaffer -'Equus'
A GOP Glossary of Dressage Terms
Airs/Airs above the groundThis is when you trot around as if you are a regular guy and still above it all. If done right, it seems as if you have the 'common touch' which allows you to seem like you are amongst the rabble but really they are mostly staffers dressed to look like 'regular folk'. Best not to go to the hardware store anymore as I wont be writing anymore lists of 'hardware stuff' for you.
Balance
This is where you take your budget plan and simply say it will save money. Easy to do when you present no details but harder when your new Stallion has had some balancing problems with his own budget. when in doubt, see 'stall'. Its alot like what regular people have to do with the checkbook. Apparently, they have to account for ALL of their money.
Box
This is not a pugilistic term. It is a dancing term where you and your new steed waltz around an imaginary square we will call 'the subject'. Here it is important to look like your leading even though everyone knows you have no grasp of the subject and your partner can do it better. Even backwards. In heels.
Stall.
This is when you laugh inappropriately and say, 'I'll have to get back to you'. Unlike a real stall, you never do. You can also refer to your website. That will buy a few minutes while people Google and find it is no where to be found on any GOP website. Darling? Have you ever read your website?
Cadence
This is when you slowly measure each. word. to. make. sure. you. cant. be. pinned. by. any. thing. you. say. Also called 'parsing' it makes you seem careful and gives you an almost Obama-like gravitas.
Canter
Not to be confused with 'Cantor', who is that Jewish Republican fella that neither you nor anyone in your party likes. The 'canter' consists of a series statements punctuated by the ability to not be certain if the rider is moving right, left or towards the center and still appear to be moving forward.
Collection
There is no short definition of collection. It is however the goal that all dressage riders are aiming for. It is the aim of every rider to collect as many corporate sponsorships, SuperPacs and cold hard cash as needed to win, even if said amount far exceeds the actual amount you will return to your constituency. see also Koch-sucking.
Flying change
This is where you are mid canter and you change your position. 'I am all for womens' equality and, no, I would not have signed that bill.'. By the way, if you can recall, I am a woman and these weren't your beliefs when we got married.
Half halt/half parade
Here is where you proudly proclaim progress by trotting out an idea that actually undoes what you say it will fix. See Ryan budget.
Half-pass
This is where you say something to mollify your base while winking at moderates, independents and undecideds in May who give you a 'half pass' because they know you just need to get the nomination. Then, in August, after you've been given a full pass, you nominate Ryan.
Lateral movements
This is like a sidestep, but the rider leans towards the center while the horse goes wide to the Right.
On the bit
Also called, 'staying on message' here it will be the rider who wears the bit as corporate handlers whip work you from the sidelines.
Rein: (some examples)
Giving the rein - 'I support the Ryan budget'
Soft rein - 'My Budget is different than the Ryan budget'
Rein back - 'Mr Ryan couldn't be here to face all you Florida old folks because... he suddenly had to go home...
Relative Straightness
This is your position when asked about Gay marriage. It remains relative to your audience. Also called 'Don't ask. Don't ask' you can simply revert to a States' Rights argument because states, as you know, are so good at deciding Civil Rights.
Renvers
This is the most difficult term of all. You will be working on one track to sway your corporate donors. Your horse will be working the extreme right track and, all the while, you will grin and smile meaninglessly to undecideds.
Work in hand
Here you actually get off the horse because you can't handle it. You stand in the center and act like you are in control of your horse who is more articulate and sure than you will ever be. Not to be confused with 'working with your hands'.
PS- If dressage really isn't 'your thing', then I will be expecting that $77,000 tax deduction you took on Rafalca. In cash. Because 'cash'? ...that's 'my thing'.
No comments:
Post a Comment